Ah yes, the actual Ditch Day announcement. I hope you’re reading these posts in order and have had to wait a bit for this one. The atmosphere of unspoken sentiment that pervades the dining hall: “Get to the announcements! We know they’re coming. Between the hint-hint wink-wink emails, the periodic banning of non-seniors from the dining hall and the alumni now helping pack dinner wall to wall, we know it’s going to happen! Come on already!”
And of course, most Ditch Day announcements are better if you get their references so here is some background viewing that might increase your appreciation. Oh, and the little bit of background reading is the entire Lord of the Rings Trilogy.
I walk into the dining hall in full lab safety gear – googles, coat, and welding gloves to the intro music of ‘Will it blend?’ and announced that I am Tom Dickson. (Suspension of disbelief pervades announcements as well as ditch day itself.) “I wonder if this banana will blend?”
On a conveniently placed table at the front of the Dining hall sits my trusty ‘BlendTec Blender.’ I pop the banana in and what do you know? A banana will blend.
“Now, that’s all I had planned for today,” I announce, pulling a ring on a chain out of my pocket, “but on my way in to work I found this shiny ring on the ground. Which of course raises the question – will it blend?”
I hold out my hand to drop the ring in, but then quickly pull it back. I try again, but my hand can’t quite seem to let go. Finally, through sheer willpower, I get the ring out of my grip and into the blender. “Here we go!”
I turn on the blender, and suddenly there is a screeching explosion within! As the smoke clears, I pull off the top and reach in to grab … the fully intact ring.
Pulling back my goggles, I say in astonishment “If a BlendTec blender can’t destroy it… there is only one other way …”
“It must be taken across rivers and over mountains. Through darkness and water. It must be taken to its very birthplace – Orodruin – and cast into the fires from whence it was forged! Few friends will aid you, and many enemies will bar your path.”
“You have a long journey ahead of you frosh, so go to bed –because DITCH DAY IS TOMORROW!”